Living a fairytale
by IheartTV 'tv-luvin-hottie
Summary: [chapter 9] Kathleens friend Gracie is being abused, will she let Elliot help her? and why is Kathy suspicious of Olivia... maybe EO
1. fairytale family

Ok, i totally made this up, its not true, and i have some other stories (1 NCIS and 1 Blue Heelers) that i also need to work on, but this 1 was annoying me, so i had to put it up.

ummmm...oh yeah, i dont own law and order svu blah blah blah

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When you're a kid, sitting beside the fireplace listening to your parents read you a story you believe fairytales are real, that there's a prince to save the beautiful princess from the tower guarded by a dragon, and that evil always loses. It's only when you lose what's most important to you that you understand that fairytales are just stories to keep young children form being scared of the monster hiding under their bed. I believed in fairytales once, but it was a long time ago… 

"_Daddy, will the prince save Cinderella from the evil stepmother?"_

"_I don't know honey, lets find out." He said as he turned the page, a five year old girl (me) snuggling into his side._

"_Of course he does, it's a fairytale, they always end happily." An older boy (my 9 year old brother) said from the couch, sitting next to his mother._

"_Are fairytales real?" I asked._

"_NO!" he answered firmly._

"_Bryan!" exclaimed both my parents at the same time._

"_What? They're not, real life never ends happily ever after."_

"_It doesn't?" I asked sadly._

"_No." he said before standing up and walking into his room, slamming the door._

"_Don't listen to him baby, fairytales are whatever you believe them to be." My mom said._

"_Keep reading daddy." I said snuggling back into him and listening to the rest of the story._

How can you not believe in fairytales, your parents say they're true, who didn't believe their parents when they were five?-no one, exactly. But what if they never get to tell you that fairytales aren't real, that they are just stories, for children who don't know any different…

"_Dad, do we have to go?"_

"_Yes Bry, we have to go." Dad answered._

"_Please just enjoy our day out, you never come out with us anymore." Mom added._

"_Mom, we're going on a picnic in the forest, how can I enjoy it, and we were goin to go to the river today."_

"_Bry please, just today, and you know we don't like you going to that river, it's dangerous…"_

"…_I know, it can be really shallow or really deep, and there's a current…I know."_

"_Sweetie we just worry about you…"_

"_Well don't!" he exclaims and puts his headphones back on. I just sit quietly in the back, they hate it when I interrupt one of their fights, he's only just a teenager (13), but he acts like such a jerk sometimes._

We used to have a fairytale family, dad, mom, older brother, me, golden retriever and a white picket fence, with family outings, holidays and picnics…if only we didn't go on a picnic that day…

_We were driving home from a great family picnic; we played football, soccer, baseball, basketball, and lots of other games together before driving home. Dad was kinda tired because he had just got back from a business trip in LA, flying wasn't his thing, but he insisted on driving because mom had recently had surgery. It was getting late and we were driving along a nearly deserted highway on our way back to Queens when dad suddenly swerved into the wrong lane, mom screamed and he corrected it before anything happened. Mom was so angry and they were fighting, dad wasn't watching where he was going properly and gradually changed lanes again, without knowing it. As we went round a corner a truck suddenly appeared right in front of us. Screams…_

That was the last thing I heard from my family, when I woke up in hospital a cop was waiting for my statement. I escaped with 3 broken ribs, a broken arm, a concussion and some cuts and bruises…all my family was dead…

"_I'm so sorry Gracie, your mom and brother didn't make…"_

"_NO, please…what about dad?" I asked with tears streaming down my face._

"_He's still in surgery"_

"_Is he gunna be ok?"_

"_The doctors are hopeful."_

"_DON'T LIE TO ME!" I screamed at him._

"_Ok, ok, it doesn't look good…I'm sorry."_

I cried for hours into his shirt, completely soaked it, but he didn't seem to mind that much. I had to testify that it was my parent's fault we crashed and they and my brother were dead. It turned out the truck driver was on drugs and had been driving recklessly that night, so it was his fault as well. I remember when I finished testifying a few of the jurors were crying. The prosecutor said I did well, but I didn't understand how that was good. He was charged with reckless driving and manslaughter and sentenced to 15-20.

_The juror read out the guilty verdict and his sentence and everyone was happy, all the reporters were on my side and wanted my statement. I was really scared, luckily for me the prosecutor came and gave a quick statement then took me away from them. _

That day I went to visit their graves for the first time since the funeral, it hurt too much. Going to their graves helped a lot, I didn't think it would, and I cried heaps, but it helped. Reality hadn't really sunk in until then, sitting in the graveyard surrounded by flowers, I realised my life was never going to be the same, they weren't coming back…

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yeah so its short, but i kinda sets the scene a little, the 2nd chap will prob be setting the scene a lil more, then to the main drama...if u like it 

so pls R&R

byes


	2. foster care

ok, this is pretty short, but i dont wanna lose my train of thought and im tired, sorry

Thanx 2 softnsensual457, that was really nice, and 2 evry1z who read it.

i dont really like this chap but i couldn't think of another way to give the background info, not thats its all totally necessary...but i think its better 2 have 2 much info than not enough, dont you?

ok, i'll let u read now...

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Foster Care-the governments supposed solution to orphanages and homeless kids. Great solution, are they aware of what happens in foster homes- I really hope not, but they should be. So far I have been pretty lucky, well nothing too bad has happened to me, but I've only had 4 placements in 5 years, that's considered pretty good- hate to see what's considered bad… 

_I'd just been dumped at a 'group home' for the night, my social worker was returning the next day to take me to my 'new family'. I was sitting in the corner with my knees tucked to my chest, watching the other kids play, argue and fight._

"_hi." A girl said sitting down next to me._

"_hi." I said quietly._

"_I'm Sarah, what's your name?"_

"_Gracie."_

"_How old are you, I'm 11."_

"_9."_

"_Is this your first time in a home?"_

"_Yeah."_

"_How come?"_

"_My parents were killed in a car crash, no other family." I answered almost like a robot, so I couldn't feel my words._

"_I'm sorry, I've been in the system since I was 5, my mom just left me, I've had lotsa foster homes but none of them worked out. Have you had a foster home yet?"_

"_No, I'm going tomorrow."_

"_Ok, hopefully it'll be a good one." She said putting her arm around me._

Sarah's still one of my best friends, we write and call each other, and visit if we're close enough. She warned me about what happens in some foster homes and I owe her a lot. We made a promise to help each other find a family…

"_Bye Gracie, promise me you'll look after yourself."_

"_I will…Sarah, if I find a good family I'll come for you, promise." I said hugging her._

"_I promise too."_

"_Come on Gracie, the Stevenson's are expecting us." Ms. Maverick, my social worker, interrupted pulling us apart._

"_bye." she called._

"_Bye."_

* * *

My first foster family was really nice, they took good care of me and helped me through heaps during the year I stayed with them. Then they had to move across the country because of Tom's job, and I couldn't go with them, so I had to go back to the group home until my next chance. I was still pretty young so my second placement was only a few weeks after the first didn't work out. It was with an old lady who was obsessed with cats (how clichéd is that), but she seriously had like a hundred cats. All we ate was cat food, well I didn't eat it after I found out what it was, but that's all she had in her house. GROSS! 

A bit after that I went to another nice family, everything was great for 2 years, then my foster dad, Scott, was arrested for money laundering and fraud. Apparently he was ripping off his company and Maxie, his wife, had to give up the house and other assets because they were bought with stolen money. My last foster home was ok, the couple I was living with were pretty cool, but it was in a poor neighbourhood with a high crime rate and I was constantly bullied at school and got bashed up while walking home. I never made any friends, the whole year and a half I was there, so I wasn't that sorry to leave. Cross my fingers that my next home is the one I've been searching for.

I now have a new perspective, life is the opposite of fairytales, it's hard and cruel and unfair and never ends happily ever after- how can it when the end is death? I'll admit that maybe once fairytales could have been true, but these days the bad outnumber the good and people have lost respect for each other. People don't hold the door open for others or help old ladies across the street anymore, no one gives a damn.

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ok, again sorry it was short but ur gunna meet the family this fic is about in the next chap, wont involve the SVU detective til l8r on in da fic. 

please tell me what u think, if u h8 it, or like it, or have an idea of how i could improve it...

so thanx 4 reading

BYES


	3. meeting Mr and Mrs Perfect

Ok, the 3rd chap. It's coming along, slowly.

Anyways, thanx evry1 4 ur reviews. Glad u like it…

Sorry it took so long to upd8

Oh and memories r in italics, the rest is normal (coz now its kinda told in memories, thoughts and real time)

* * *

Ok here goes, my 5th placement. My social worker said I'm their 3rd foster kid, the other 2 were boys. I hope I get along with them ok, I know I've done this a few times before, but it doesn't stop me being nervous… 

I walked up the steps, my backpack slung over my shoulder and my ipod on my belt, the white headphones fit snugly into my ears blaring out rock tunes. As I approached a woman appeared at the door and took my bag, she had obviously been watching form one of the windows, waiting for us to arrive. I hate people like that, totally 'Desperate Housewives', like they don't have a life of their own so they have to spy on the neighbours from the front windows and gossip about what they saw with all their girlfriends. I guess I should be grateful to be staying in a perfect house in a perfect suburban neighbourhood with perfect neighbours, but it can't be perfect, there has to be some secret, some crime…maybe they killed someone, ok stole that from 'desperate housewives', but maybe they are drug dealers, stole that from 'missing', but it cant be perfect…

"Hello Gracie, it's nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you too Mrs. Nolan." I replied in my polite voice- what did I tell you, prefect.

"Oh no need for that call me Annette, and this is my son Kalen." She said indicating to a teenage boy standing next to her.

"Hey, call me Kale." He said shaking my hand then hi5ing me.

"Why don't we get you settled, Duncan will be home later." Annette said holding the door open for us. "Kale show them to the lounge."

"Right mom." He called leading the way.

When we were all sitting 'Annette', as she insisted to be called, made tea and she and Ms. Maverick sat and talked. Boring. Kale obviously thought so too because he grabbed my bag and showed me to my room then left to skate with some friends. The room was pretty nice I had to admit, but it was stuffy, everything looked expensive and I didn't want to break it. Wooden dresser, bedside tables, bed and bookshelf- everything had delicate brass handles. There was a lamp and mirror and a couple of empty picture frames and a cream bedspread that looked pretty pricy too. The dresser and walk-in-robe were empty and in one of the bedside tables was a credit card and a cell phone. Bribery. I think I like them. There was also a note on the bed.

LETTER LETTER LETTER LETTER LETTER LETTER LETTER LETTER LETTER LETTER LETTER LETTER LETTER LETTER

Dear Gracie,

Tonight we are hosting a dinner party with some close friends and neighbours. You will need a formal dress to attend and as I believe you do not own one I ask you to please use the credit card and phone provided to you to buy one. You do not have to pay for either of these items but are expected to use them sparingly, so there is a $750 limit for each month. Anything more will be discussed with Duncan and myself when needed. All schoolbooks and other equipment and meals will be provided but you need to buy your own clothing and other items needed or desired. You are cordially invited to meet with me when you wish to purchase a dress.

Annette

LETTER LETTER LETTER LETTER LETTER LETTER LETTER LETTER LETTER LETTER LETTER LETTER LETTER LETTER

Wow there's something seriously wrong with these people, leaving notes with instructions instead of telling me herself, she has some issues…and what the hell does cordially mean. But on the bright side…SHOPPING! And with a credit card with a $750 limit. I think I like them, credit card, shopping and space my 3 favourite things. But I don't think Mr. and Mrs. Perfect will approve of my clothes, might have to go shopping tomorrow. She thought happily before leaving her room trying to navigate her way back to the living room.

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Ok, it's kinda really short, but I'm going away tomorrow and wanted to upd8 before I went. I'm going to write while I'm away and post when I get back. 


	4. the dinner party, watching me

Sorry it took so long I got back from my holiday a few days ago but it took a while for me 2 get it typed up…

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"How about this one?" I ask Annette as I walk out of the change rooms for the hundredth time. 

"It's a little skimpy Gracie…"

"I think its prefect Mrs. Nolan, elegant and not too revealing yet it draws attention to the girls figure, and the colour and style contrasts perfectly to you dress. What do you think Gracie?"

"It's great!" she said trying not to sound too annoyed.

_I'd been trying on dresses for hours and the ones I liked Annette hated and the ones Annette picked were ugly. It was extremely tiring and even the shop assistant had had enough of us. So she was trying to make Annette like the dress. I thought it was ok, kinda nice I guess. They all kinda look the same to me now, but the fabrics nice. _

"We'll take it." Annette's voice cut through my thoughts. 'Finally'!

"Great, are you picking up your dress too?"

"Yes I am thankyou Gloria."

"Just a moment." She said walking into the back room to find Annette's dress.

"Well that was more difficult than I anticipated."

"Yeah there are a lot of different styles, but they're all kind of a blur to me now." I joked.

"I know what you mean, I didn't think we'd ever find something we agreed on. But I won't have you walk around in nothing Gracie."

"I know, I don't think I'd like to walk around in nothing, too cold." She laughed, I made her laugh…maybe she wasn't as stuck up and perfect as I first thought.

* * *

"Duncan honey, we're home." Annette called when we arrived home. 

"In my study dear."

"He works a lot." Annette whispered to me as we walked to where I presumed his study was.

"Duncan this is Gracie."

"Hi!" I said.

"Hello, it's nice to meet you."

"You too."

"I see you've been shopping, is that for tonight?"

"Yeah, uhh I should go get ready." I said really needing to get out of that room, it was so fully of smoke it there were fire alarms anywhere in the halls or surrounding rooms they would be going off.

"Yes, I should too, call me if you need any help Gracie."

"thanks." I said walking back to my room.

_

* * *

It took me an hour to curl my hair and put on my makeup and jewellery but it looked pretty good. My dress was cream with skinny black straps and trimming, it had a clear overlay with cute black spots and lace at the bottom. It was 2 ½ inches above my knees and had a black ribbon tied around my stomach. I wore black heels and a white gold bracelet with a heart charm. _

"Wow Gracie, you look amazing." Duncan said as he walked into my room.

"Umm, thanks Duncan, you nice too."

He smiled at me "Annette wanted me to come and get you, the guests will be arriving any minute now and the host, that's us, have to greet them. Are you ready?"

"Yep, let's go." I say and link arms with him- his idea not mine- and walk downstairs.

* * *

"Wow, you look hot, seriously hot!" Kale said as I walked down the stairs. 

"Thanks, I think."

"You look beautiful Gracie." Annette said and glared at Kale.

"Thanks."

_Most of the 'guests' were Kale's friend's families, but some of them were other couples with children, one had a girl who looked about my age._

"Josie, Mark it's great to see you. Hi Max, everyone's in the dining room."

"Hi Annette, this must be Gracie."

"Nice to meet you." I said for the thousandth time.

"It's nice to meet you too. This is Kathleen, my niece."

"Hi!" I said.

"Hi!" she replied.

"Look they're already getting along, why don't you two go into the dining room with the others and get to know each other."

"ok." I replied and showed Kathleen to the dining room.

"Is this your first time at one of these things?" I asked.

"Yeah, my aunt insisted that I come, she thinks I need to learn how they work."

"It's my first one too. Kinda stuffy if you ask me."

"Definitely!" we laughed.

"Is this your parents first time hosting one of these?"

"I don't know, this is my first night here."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I'm their foster kid. I guess they thought I'd have no manners and needed a 'cultural awakening'."

"Is that what they said?"

"No but I overheard Annette saying it to one of her friends."

"Oops."

"Yeah."

"Hey Kath!" Kale called across the room.

"hi." She replied unenthusiastically.

_Damn, so Kathleen knows Kale…what's the deal with that, I thought she didn't know Annette and Duncan…_

"Hey Kathleen…" I grabbed her arm and dragged her out of the room.

"Call me Kath or Kathy."

"K, what's the deal with you and Kale?"

"What do you mean?"

"How do you know each other?"

"Oh, we go to the same school, you'll probably go there too…"

"So that's why they wanted you to come, they think I wont make any friends so they're setting us up."

"What?"

"I come here and we go to the same school, or I'm going there, and your aunt insists you come to 'this' dinner party, don't you think that's a bit sus?"

"I guess, but we'd probably end up friends anyway, you haven't met the freaks that go to that school!"

"Are there metal detectors at the entrance to the school?"

"Nooo, why?"

"Well it can't be that bad then."

"Metal detectors?"

"Yeah!" She just shook her head and we joined the party again.

"I'd like to propose a toast" Annette called over the light chatter and everyone raised their glasses "to Gracie, we are thankful you're here and hope you stick around for a long time."

"Gracie!" everyone said and clinked glasses with someone, then took a drink.

_It was strange, when Annette toasted me everyone looked at me and smiled, some people congratulated me, I was suddenly the centre of attention and I had no idea why. I mean, this whole dinner party was probably so they could show me off or something but why was everyone looking at me expectantly._

Kale kicked me under the table "Owww!" Everyone looked at me strangely. 'Speech' he mouthed and I stood up.

_Jesus Christ, what was I supposed to say, thanks for taking me in as a part of your perfect life, I hope I don't suffocate with all your stuffiness and constant perfectness! Ok maybe cut out the stuffiness and perfectness but the first part sounded kinda grateful…which I guess I was._

"Well, I've never done this before so bare with me…" that got sympathetic and encouraging smiles form the Knight's and the Neira's "I'm certainly glad I'm here in your lovely home and hope I stay too. Mr. and Mrs. Nolan, and even Kalen, are lovely selfless people and I feel privileged to have been chosen to live with them, I hope I don't cause too much trouble for you."

_Everyone clinked and sipped again and some of the people sitting near me congratulated me on my speech, someone said it was like I'd been doing it my whole life. I guess this place and these rich people aren't so bad after all._

_We ate dinner with friendly small talk and retreated to the living room to begin more serious conversation…so much for 'dinner party', so no one mentioned having to have proper discussions…about my life. Each couple had their chance to meet me and form an opinion about me, I guess this is how the other 2 didn't stay very long…they didn't make a good impression on their friends. It turned out that every couple would ask 1 question about me then put the question, answer and their opinion of me in a jar in the other room, then the next couple would go and so on. I agreed but it seemed like a pretty strange way to judge me but…_

"Hi Gracie, you probably don't remember, my names Greg Manti and this is my wife Rita."

"Nice to meet you, again." I replied politely.

"Yes, we were just wondering how you ended up in foster care?" Greg asked.

"Oh" I said looking at my shoes, so this was gunna get personal. "Uhh, my parents were killed, along with my older brother, in a car accident, a truck driver ran into us driving home from a family picnic…we had no other living relatives so…"

"I'm very sorry, I hope you stay here." Rita said sympathetically before she and her husband walked out.

The other couples were pretty much the same, asking about my time in foster care, about my parents and my brother and how they raised me…and about my school work and friends. But there was one guy that stood out from the rest…

"Hi I'm David Knight, and my wife died 2 years ago…to save you asking."

"I'm very sorry Mr. Knight, but it's nice to meet you." I said very politely even though it wasn't, he seemed more interested in my v-neck dress than asking me a question…it was embarrassing, he just stared silently for like a minute before he cleared his throat and asked his question.

"Have you had sex?"

Ok, this guy was creepy, really creepy! He had no wife, he stared at me and he just asked me if I'd had sex like he was asking about the weather. He scared me and I wanted away from him as quickly as possible…but I wasn't just going to answer such a personal question

"Uhh, excuse me?" I asked shocked.

"Have you had sex?" he asked again, more forcefully.

"I don't feel comfortable discussing this with you…"

"I'll take that as a yes, and since we're on this topic…have you ever had sex for money?"

"WHAT! NO!" I said disgusted.

"Do you sleep around?"

"NO, look I had sex once with my boyfriend who I'd been dating for months." I said very quietly.

"right." He said not sure if he believed me.

"Well that's everyone, I'm going to go hang with the other kids now." I said practically running out of the room.

* * *

Ok so it was pretty boring and not that long but…I needed to introduce the characters, now its time for you to think about who might attack her…they were at the dinner party! 

And Kathleen is Elliot's daughter, I don't know if him and Kathy are still together when she was 14, or how old she is now (or how old his other kids are when she's 14)…so if no one tells me, or knows I'll just make it up when I need 2…so if ya know please tell me

Anyways please review and I'll update as soon as I can

Thanx 4 reading

byes


	5. baseball, wanting me

Im sorry I haven't updated in ages…if anyone is actually reading this please review…I'm posting 2 chaps now, the next one is better…

SVUSVUSVUSVUSVU_  
_

_Have you noticed how clouds look like fluffy marshmallows, and when you stick them over the fire they go all mushy and melt…kinda like rain. Well at lest that's how I think of clouds today, on a nice Saturday afternoon laying on the grass in the Nolan's front yard. Thinking about marshmallows makes me hungry so I start making pictures with the clouds, bunnies and dogs and dinosaurs and shoes…there's too many to name, and they're gone before you can see them all and new pictures appear in their place. It reminds me of all my foster families, they seem ok when I first meet them, but they're always different when the social worker leaves, and they're always gone before I can figure them out. This activity makes me sad so I decide to go for a walk. It gives me time to think about all the new people I've met over the last week to stay away from. I don't know why but the people at school are usually harder to judge, some can seem really nice then stab me in the back, others seem stuck-up but are just shy. I wonder why it's like this…_

"Gracie!" I'm interrupted from my thoughts by Kale.

"Yeah?" I ask him.

"Wanna come play baseball with us?"

"_You_ play _baseball_, I thought rich kids were above that kind of thing." I say jokingly.

"Nah, we just have better equipment." He replies.

I laugh and follow him inside to get the bat and ball.

SVUSVUSVUSVUSVU_  
_

_Ok, so now you probably think I'll make some philosophical meaning to baseball too, well I won't, trust me I've tried. Joking. No I just enjoy the game, it's a fun team spirited game, I just like everyone working together to achieve something. Great, here I go again. OMG internal debate, gotta stop thinking and start playing…_

"Yo G." someone called to me. "Pay attention or you'll get hit in the head." He smirked when I didn't get what he was saying. "The ball just flew past your head while you were daydreaming, next time it'll hit ya." He sad and threw the ball back to the pitcher.

_Gotta pay attention. I slapped myself, literally, for zoning out while playing, next time they won't let me play. A couple of them saw it and gave me a funny look, I just put my glove up ready for the next ball to come near me._

SVUSVUSVUSVUSVU_  
_

_The rest of the game passed by uneventfully, I hit a home run, caught a few, and we wont the game. I enjoyed it, making friends, playing ball, reminded me of my other homes, when I was happy playing outside on the weekend, even if it was snowing we'd go outside and play…_

"Hey Gracie wait up." Leyton called to me. I slowed my steps so he could catch up.

"hey." I said when he was beside me.

"Hey, so what are ya doing tonight?"

"Nothing, I dunno, whatever the Nolan's have planned."

"Come to a party with me."

"No, why?" I ask suspiciously.

"Coz I want you to, it'll be fun."

"I'll never be allowed."

"So come anyway."

"I can't."

"Chicken."

"Am not, I've only been staying with them for a week, I don't wanna get thrown out already."

"You won't get thrown out."

"If I embarrass them by sneaking out and going to a party, yeah I will."

"Oh come on…"

"You don't understand, you live with your parents, they can't throw you out."

"But they'll put me in boarding school."

"Ohhhhh, big deal, at least you get fed."

"The Nolan's feed you." He stated.

"Not if they throw me out." I replied and jogged across the street.

"Gracie, please." He called. I ignored him and walked inside.

"What was that about?" Kale asked me when I was in the door.

"nothing." I replied trying to get past him.

He blocked me in and said "it didn't sound like nothing."

"Well it was." I said still trying to get past him.

"really." He questioned taking a step back.

"Yeah."

"Fine, lie to me" he said moving out of my way "…but if you leave tonight you won't came back." He called to my back.

_Oh crap, how much of that did he hear, hopefully enough to know I wasn't going…_

SVUSVUSVUSVUSVU

so that's the first one…next chap you'll find out what happens…


	6. that night, raping me

The second chap…

SVUSVUSVUSVUSVU

I didn't sneak out to go to the party with Leyton, but afterwards I wished I did…I finally realized that my life with the Nolan's came with a huge catch, and my life would never be the same again…

_I was sitting with the Nolan's watching a movie on their big screen TV, but it was really boring and I was tired so I excused myself and went to my room._

_I had just changed into my pj's when the door creaked open and HE came in…acting strange. I asked him why he was in my room and he put his fingers to his lips and whispered at me to get on the bed. I laughed. _

_I laughed, how stupid am I…_

_It made him really mad and he looked towards the closed door for a second before moving over to me and forcing me onto the bed. I started to scream but he covered my mouth and whispered in my ear…"if you make a sound or tell anyone you'll find out what real pain is…"_

_I was so scared. I just realized what was going to happen to me, he was going to rape me…and I couldn't do a thing to stop him…_

_I always thought that if something like this happened to me I'd tell for sure…fight the bastard off and run like hell, but its different when its actually happening to you…everything was in slow motion, my rapid breathing slowed to nothing, his silent words flashed before my face, the path of his hands moving so slowly over my body, burning my skin and imprinting in my memory..._

_I was frozen as he abused me, using me for his own sadistic pleasure then leaving with a kiss on the cheek and a promise of a repeat performance…_

After he left I just lay there for hours, my mind replaying everything over and over, not letting a single word, image or feeling escape the horrific reenactment. It felt like I had only just fallen asleep when my alarm clock woke me. It wasn't pleasant sleeping, still remembering the terror of only hours before, but it was better than facing the world, my friends, HIM! I just sat there for what felt like hours, too scared to move any further, my alarm clock still blaring…until I heard the footsteps outside my door. I quickly pulled the covers over my still naked, and bruised body and pretended to be sleeping…

"Gracie…its time to wake up." Annette's cheerful voice called from my door, moving to my bedside table to turn off the loud rock tune blaring from my alarm clock. "Gracie…"

"Mhhhh…"

"Its time to get up, you'll be late for school."

"K" I said from under the covers and she left to make sure Kale was up.

I jumped out of bed, a blanket around me, and walked…hobbled…over to my closet. Selecting a random pair of jeans a t-shirt and sweater I got dressed and slowly walked down to breakfast.

I was greeted with:

"Hey Gracie"

"Morning Gracie"

"Nice of you to join us"

As I walked into the kitchen and offered a grumpy "morning" in reply as I slumped down into a seat and grabbed a piece of toast.

"Are you feeling alright Gracie?" Annette asked when she saw my small breakfast.

"mmm." I muttered, praying for the bus to arrive.

"Are you sure, it's alright if you are, you don't have to go to school today…"

"I'm fine, just tired." I said getting up with the toast in my hand and walked outside to wait for the bus.

I'm sure Annette thought I was quite rude, but I really didn't feel like talking to anyone…

SVUSVUSVUSVUSVU

ok, so that's it…who is it?

If anyone is still reading this tell me what you think, if not I wont keep going…

byes


	7. the eyes of a child i used to know

Well I don't know anything about school in America, so I'm just making it up. And I don't know what her relationship is like with her mom, or when she and Elliot started fighting, but I'm making it up! Coz it's my story!

Hope it's not too bad…

Looky, another post. How good I am. Let's just see how long this lasts before I get too much homework.

SVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVU

"Hey Gracie wait up." Kathleen called to me in the hall on the way to lunch.

"hey." I replied.

"What's up? You've been acting all strange all day. I've barely seen you."

"Just got a lot of stuff on my mind." I reply vaguely and quicken my pace a little.

"Like what? Come on Gracie, talk to me."

"I…I've just been thinking about living with the Nolan's and stuff…"

"Don't you like living with them?"

"No…well, it's just complicated."

"How?"

"Let's grab lunch and sit outside." I reply as we walk into the cafeteria.

"K."

"So why do you hate the Nolan's?"

"I don't…"

"You don't sound so sure."

"I'm not. I just…there's a price to staying there, you know."

"No…"

"Don't worry."

"No tell me. Please."

"Umm, well…they try to treat me like their own, but we all know it's not true. We're just so different. And kale and I don't get along. They're nice people, for the most part, but it's just not working out…"

"Do you wanna leave?"

"Yeah, but I don't know how…or where I'd go."

"You could come stay with me!"

"Thanks, but I don't think your parents would like that." I said smiling lightly.

"I bet my dad would say yes. He's a cop, he catches rapists and child abusers and people like that. He likes to help kids in need…" this statement made me think. Maybe he was the one who could save me…

"Do you want me to…earth to Gracie, you still here?"

"…what?"

"Whoa, you were out of it. Are you sure you're ok?"

"Yeah."

"So do you want me to ask my parents if you can stay over tonight. Give you a break from the Nolan's?"

"I don't know…"

"I'm sure they'd say yes. It's only for a night or two…"

"K…"

"Come home with me after school, my dad can take you to get some stuff when he gets home…if he comes home."

"What's that mean?" I ask cautiously.

"Well sometimes he stays at the precinct to work on a case all night and well…I miss him. He's been away a lot recently…I don't know, mums taking it hard. We all are…but you are just the person to remind us why we go through it." She replies smiling at me. I don't know how to reply but I'm saved by the bell.

"Meet me at my locker after school." She replies as we walk off to our lockers.

"Hey mom, I'm home." Kathleen called when we walked in the front door.

"In the kitchen."

"I brought a friend home, that's ok right?"

"I guess, I really wish you'd talk to me about this first though Kathleen."

"I'm sorry, I can go…" I whisper.

"No, its ok, she just likes to rant."

"Mom, this is Gracie. Gracie, my mom…"

"Well it's lovely to meet you Gracie, I've heard a lot about you."

"It's nice to meet you too." I reply.

"Well would you girls like anything to eat? I just made cookies" Kathleen's eyes lit up like light bulbs.

"Thanks mom, well have them in my room." She replies taking half the tray and grabbing my arm, pulling me up the stairs.

When we were in her room she noticed my worried look.

"Its ok, I'll ask her later. We'll tell her we have a project or something…"

"But if you have to lie…it doesn't matter that much…"

"No…well I can tell her you're having problems at the Nolan's if you'd prefer…"

"Ok, a project it is."

"Knew you'd see it my way." she smiled and handed me a cookie.

"So, what do you do at the Nolan's?"

"Not much. It's pretty boring. Mostly go on the computer, listen to music and read or play baseball outside with the guys…"

"Yeah…so what do you wanna do?"

"I don't know. What do you usually do?"

"Same! Let's go to the park…see if anyone's there, we could start a game of something, but we gotta go now, before the twins get home."

"Why?"

"Coz otherwise mom will make us take them with us…and we don't want to have to babysit, believe me."

"Ok."

We run outside, Kathleen calling to her mom that we will be at the park and running away before she can tell us anything else.

"So how often does your dad work all night?" I ask her when were sitting under a tree at the park.

"A lot, heaps more than he used to. Mum thinks he's having an affair…"

"Why?"

"I don't know. She says he's different, he blames it on the work…"

"Do you think he is?"

"Maybe. But I wouldn't blame him if he was. As much as I love my parents, they shouldn't be together anymore. She doesn't trust him, hates his job, hates him half the time…he tries to be there for us, but with his job…its hard. They try to be happy but…I know something's wrong, they think I'm too young to understand, but I can see it, so can Maureen…"

"Do you think they'll split up?"

"I really don't know…in a way I want them to, coz they fight…but I don't want them to, coz I love my dad and I'd barely ever see him…"

"Hmmm…"

"Hmmm, what?"

"Just thinking…"

"About what?"

"Stuff…"

"What stuff?" she asked starting to laugh.

"Well who would your dad have time to have an affair with if he works so much."

"Mom thinks it's his partner, Olivia."

"Ohhh, jealousy."

"Yeah, enough about my parents...why don't you like living with the Nolan's?"

"Haven't we been through this already?"

"Yeah…but there has to be more to it than not getting along with them."

"I…he…Kale…"

"What about him?"

"Has he ever…?"

"What?"

"Like, hit on you?"

"At least once a week…you've seen him…"

"Hmmm…"

"What's he got to do with it? Oh mi god, did he hit on you?"

"Sort of…"

"Really…? Sick little…you're like his sister, that's gross."

"Yeah, but…"

"What?"

"Nothing, lets go."

"What is, you can't just leave it there…"

"…maybe later, we should get back, its getting dark."

"I suppose we should, we'll continue this later." She joked in a stern voice and started walking back. I stood there stunned.

"You coming?" she called back.

"Yeah!" I shouted and ran after her…

SVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVU

Well that chapter is pretty long, like the last 2 joined together. I hope you liked it. I did post again. 3 chapters in 2 days...I'm so proud of myself. Neways. Please review and tell me what you think, and what you'd like to happen. And if I've given away who raped her…because I think it's pretty obvious now, but maybe you don't…


	8. A mask to hide my tears behind

yay, FINALLY updated. no you cant kill me, and i apologise heaps for taking forever. i'd be surprised if anyone still reads this.

im really sorry its taken me so long, but i finished school for the year and have 10 WEEKS to write and write and write. so hopefully i can make it up to you... if u let me.

* * *

_By the time we got back to the house dinner was almost ready and Kathy asked us to set the table. Elliot still wasn't home but none of Kath's siblings mentioned it to their mother, it was obviously something they ignored, so I didn't say anything either. We made small talk while eating, but I could tell they were deliberately staying away from foster care, my real parents etc. but I didn't really mind, I'd rather not talk about them now, it was so long ago._

"So Gracie, how's it been living with the Nolan's? Josie says they're nice people." Kathy asked after we ran out of other topics like school etc.

"Yeah, they're nice. Kalen's annoying, but they feed me." We laughed a little.

"So mom" Kath interrupted.

"So Kathleen"

"Funny. Can Gracie stay over tonight, we have a school project to work on."

"You should have done it earlier"

"We were, it was research, I swear." She said crossing her fingers behind her back.

"I guess if it's alright with the Annette and Duncan."

"YESSSSSSS!" she squealed and hugged her. "C'mon Gracie, lets go call and ask."

'Nolan Residence'

'Umm hi, this is Gracie, is Annette or Duncan available?'

'One moment'

Kath giggled and whispered "what's with the voice?"

I shrugged as Annette answered the phone.

'Gracie, where are you?'

'Hey Annette, I'm at Kathleen's house, umm, can I stay over here tonight to work on a school project?'

'But you don't have anything to change into'

'She can borrow something of mine' Kathleen interrupted.

'Well I suppose that is ok, what does her mother say?'

'She says its fine, thanks Annette, seeya tomorrow' I said quickly and hung up.

"Yes! Well done." She laughed and ran down to tell Kathy I could stay, and came back with ice cream.

"Do you ever not eat?"

"Sure, when I'm sleeping…"

"Kath-leen" I laughed.

"I'm joking, now are you gonna eat it or just stare at it all night?"

"Stare at it" I replied.

"But Gracie, its ice cream" she wined.

"Yeah" I joked, obviously I was gonna eat it, but teasing was fun.

"Well then I'll have it!" I laughed and pulled the bowl away from her. "No way, its mine!"

"Fine, so tell me more about the Nolan's, I know what you told my mom was a HUGE lie, so what's the story?"

"Kale's just a jerk, that's all. I'm sick of him." _I couldn't tell her the real reason, why was it so hard to say it, just 3 little words that change a persons life forever "I was raped" I screamed it in my heads constantly, but couldn't make myself say it._

"Gracie, what happened? It wasn't like this last week, I mean, you said he was annoying and stuff, but now it's different, you're different…?"

"I, god why is it so hard?" I said quietly and hid my face in my hands. She hugged me and I let a few tears go before her bedroom door opened to reveal her dad.

"What wrong?" he asked looking worried.

"Nothing dad, just girl stuff." Kath said quickly.

"You sure?" he asked, his gaze moving between us.

"Yeah Mr. Stabler, just broke up with my boyfriend, he was a jerk anyway." I said quickly and he accepted the answer.

"Ok, ill leave you to it then." He quickly backing away and closing the door.

I turned to look at Kath, she was crying too. We looked at each other and burst out laughing. No wonder her dad ran away, we were a mess.

"Why are you crying?" I asked through my laughter.

"Coz you were, whenever someone else cries I can't help it." we kept laughing.

"Did you see the look on his face when he left." Kath giggled.

"Yeah, was like you asked him to give you the sex talk or something"

"Haha, I no."

**SVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVU**

_A while later we went downstairs to watch TV with everyone else. It was fun, like a real family should be, so they had some problems, so does everyone, but both her parents loved all their kids, and maybe they liked me too…_

_That night brought on more nightmares, it took a long time to fall asleep, and as soon as I did the dreams started again, him on top of me, touching me, kissing me, using me… I screamed but nothing came out, he kept going, I tried to hit him… what was that, a squeal, someone saying my name. I opened my eyes, _

"Kathleen" I whispered unsure of the person sitting next to me.

"Yeah, it's me, are you ok? You screamed and were thrashing around, I was really scared"

"Yeah, I'm ok."

The door burst open and Kathy and Elliot stood there in their pjs, Elliot had his gun by his side.

"What's going on in here, its 3am?" Kathy asked angrily.

"Sorry mom, just a nightmare." Kathy looked at us suspiciously then replied

"Ok, are you alright?" to me.

"yeah." I said quietly, _how did she know it was me?_

"Ok, get some sleep girls" Elliot said and closed the door again.

As soon as the door shut Kathleen was interrogating me "what was it about, I heard you scream 'no get off me, stop it' what was happening to you. C'mon Gracie, did you dream about the Nolan's, it is what you've been avoiding telling me?"

"Yes…"

"What happened at the Nolan's, I can help, please tell me…"

"He raped me last night" I whispered hugging my knees to my chest.

She gasped, "Who"

I couldn't say anymore so she just hugged me and stroked my hair.

"It's gonna be ok, we have to tell my dad…"

"No!"

"But Gracie, he can help…"

"No, I'll be ok"

"No you wont, you have to get help or he'll never stop. What if he does it to someone else, another girl, after you leave…?"

"I won't leave; I won't let him hurt anyone else…"

"But you have to leave. Please Gracie think about it, just think about it…"

"Ok" I said quietly laying down and closing my eyes.

**SVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVU**

_The next morning I woke to the smell of bacon and eggs wafting up the stairs. Yum. I looked over to Kathleen's bed but she wasn't there, 'must have already gone downstairs'. I think as I get up and start down the stairs, but I freeze when I hear them talking, or more likely shouting, at each other. _

"Kathleen what is going on, what was the screaming coming from your room last night?"

"Nothing mom, I told you, it was just a nightmare."

"About what, it sounded terrifying. And now you want Gracie to stay with us for a while, without giving me a reason."

"I did give you a reason!"

"What, that she's having some problems at the Nolan's, its not great but they just need time to get used to each other, which wont happen if she stays here."

"But mom, she really needs…"

"KATHLEEN, what she needs is to go home!"

"SHE DOESN'T HAVE A HOME! Nowhere that she feels safe, loved, cared for, except here mom, she needs us!"

"Sweetie, what's so bad about the Nolan's? She said they were ok yesterday…"

"She was lying!"

"Are you certain of that?"

"Yes!"

"How do you know for sure?"

"She told me and she's my best friend! I know her."

"What did she tell you?"

"I can't tell you…" she said quietly. I snuck closer to hear them better.

"If things are were bad you'd tell me, she what's this about, rebellion?"

"How is Gracie staying with us in any way connected to rebellion?"

"I don't know, but there's no other explanation."

"How about my best friend really needs help but I can't explain anything at the moment, and you just have to trust me…"

"Kathleen…"

"What mom. I'm not a liar, don't you trust me?"

"Of course I do but…"

"Then what's the problem?"  
"I just… a few days, alright. If I don't get any answers she has to go back…"

"Ok, thanks mom."

_They hugged and continued cooking breakfast which miraculously wasn't burnt during their argument. I waited a few minutes before walking into the kitchen and greeting them.  
_

* * *

_ok, well yeah, really sorry. i hope you liked it anyway, and if anyone is reading this please review. ill luv ya forever!!_

_xx ashy _


	9. in keeping secrets of silence

_hey, a fast update, hooray. in advance i apologise for the shortness, but i wanted to post something. i'm hoping to post another before christmas, but now i have to babysit my brother coz hes finished school, and why would he leave me alone for five minutes to write... annoying little... anyway, so yeah. if i don post again before MERRY CHRISTMAS everyone._

and i hope you all enjoy your holidays!!_  
_

* * *

_I barely spoke during breakfast, and neither of them had mentioned their argument, or me staying, I was starting to think I'd imagined it, or that Kathy had changed her mind…_

"So Gracie, Kathleen tells me you're having problems at the Nolan's…" Kathy interrupted my thoughts…

"Yeah…" I said uncertainly. _I wasn't sure what to say._

"What's wrong?"

_Why did she have to ask so many questions… I didn't know what to say, was she going to make me tell her, even if I was going to tell her it wouldn't be with everyone sitting there listening…_

"Just stuff…" I finally replied.

"Ok. Well Elliot will take you to get some clothes tonight, catch the bus to the precinct after school." The last statement was directed at Kathleen.

"Got it mom." She replied. I put on a confused look, since Kathleen hadn't discussed this with me, if I knew, they'd know I was eavesdropping…

"You're staying with us for a few days!" Kathleen exclaimed happily.

"Thanks" I said to everyone.

After we finished breakfast Kathleen and I went back upstairs to get ready for school and ended up having to run to the bus stop. It was pretty funny, but when we got on everyone stared at me… and the last thing I needed in my current state was to have a bus load of kids staring at me…

"Kathleen… everyone's staring at me…" I stated unnecessarily.

"Its just coz they've never seen you on the bus before. Relax."

"Easy for you to say." I replied as we sat down.

_School passed quickly, and before I knew it the final bell had rung. I sat in my seat for ages after that, dreading having to go back that night. Even if it just was to get some clothes. What would they say, what would HE say… _

"Hey Gracie you coming?" Kathleen called. She must have finally noticed I wasn't beside her, those hallways were terrible.

"Yeah, I guess…"

"What's wrong?"

"Don't wanna go back there; wish I could just buy more clothes…"

"Well if you have the money we could do that instead, if you really don't wanna go…"

"No. I have to go back sometime."

"You don't you know, if you tell my dad what happened to you, or Olivia, she's nice."

"Maybe, but… they couldn't do anything anyway; I don't have any evidence…"

"They'd find something, and you wouldn't have to stay there, with him anymore…"

"But then they'd just put me in another foster home, and I'd probably never see you again…"

"That's not true; I'll always be here for you…"

"I've had 5 foster homes in 5 years, and I've never stayed in the same school, or seen my friends again after I left. Sarah's the only person I've stayed in contact with all these years. She'll be out of the system next year; maybe I could stay with her… I mean I can take care of myself, but she could be my 'guardian'. Maybe…"

"You could stay with me, mom said you could…"

"Yeah, for a few days, not for the rest of my life."

"They'll work something out, everything will be ok, but you have to tell them."

"You don't know how hard it was just to tell you, it goes round and round my head all day, but I try to say it and I can't."

"Ok. We got a bus to catch, but I really think you should tell him or Olivia…" she said as we left the classroom.

"I just need to get some stuff out of my locker, I'll meet you there." I replied and started in the opposite direction.

_I'm still not sure if I can tell them. I guess I'll wait and see what happens today when I meet Olivia…_

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_please review, its christmas after all... yeah, haha. anyways, hope you liked it and i really am hoping to update again, and im really sorry it was short... ok so im repeating myself.  
bye xx ashy  
_


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